Being without a Valentine was the last thing on my mind since I spent my Valentine’s Day on the west coast. I attended the Bay Area Black Comedy Competition and Festival with over 60 comedians who are on the rise. Comedians, take note, LongHorn and Cuttin’ T both stated they got everything out of the competition they wanted. The BABCCF was held in Oakland, the land where black people got along and the hospitality was unexpected, in my opinion. Walking the streets alone, I was approached by women wishing me a Happy V-Day. Best of all, it was Black History Month. Let’s give ourselves a hand, literally! While out enjoying a stroll in the Cali weather, Comedian Sam Bam made me feel even better about celebrating alone. His wife suggested a creative gift for V-Day so guess what he bought her? A treadmill!  I guess being single’s not so bad after all.
There is nothing like black comedy for that good laugh.  DC Ervin brought back childhood memories when he reminisced about playing Nintendo, blowing into the game when it wouldn’t work. Remember that? And, who could ever forget Eenie Meenie Miney Moe? Sometimes, I still play it; only with making a decision of restaurants, the car I wanna drive for the day or the type of workout I should do-pilates or aerobics. Speaking of workout ladies, summertime is near and Smokey, the BABCCF’s 2007 winner and host for 2008, recognized our game. He said, when summer approaches, that’s when we begin our workout; one week before, we start running on the treadmill for four days. So here is your reminder, spring is here so let the games begin.
I was extremely busy when I was in the Bay, I used the trip for exactly what it was, business. I didn’t “hook up” with anybody. I thought Lil’ Rel was cute, until he talked about still living at home with his parents. Uh, no thanks! I got my own, but I would never throw it in his face like Pretty Funny would do. She claims to own like seven properties and this and that. She said, when her and her man argued, that’s all she would say, “Seven Properties.” Well what man would put up with that bullshit? I guess that’s why she is now with a white boy. She said it!
I didn’t even get to go shopping. I wanted to buy some “bad ass boots” like Damn Fool’s cousin. I was salty too. And no, Damn Fool is not stupid, he just thinks different than most people do. I wanted to find out what Cali had to offer on the fashion tip, to take back to the Midwest. Too bad I couldn’t cop a shirt that said “Keep Hating” something like what Cereus B.T. Kingsley was swaggern’ in. I also wanted my girls to come out and enjoy Cali with me, but unfortunately they couldn’t come because either they had to work or couldn’t afford it. I even offered to pay but no one accepted. That’s what Martez was talkn’ about. He recognized sistership and how we got our girls’ back when they broke or vice versa. That’s the way it’s supposed to be, when you got you give.
One thing that I made sure to do was eat. There was a little soul food spot down on Broadway and 22nd. I went in starving’ then came out, belly lookn’ like Shanie D’s. I appreciated the cost of food in Oakland too. I thought they would have NYC food prices-not even close.  I didn’t have to buy food stamps to survive in Oakland, just to eat. Jaylee Thomas asked who in the room got the food stamp card. This pretty girl right next to me proudly raised her hand, I said, “DO SHE?”
I wasn’t ready to come home. I thought about what I had to look forward to. First off, my two grown ass boys. I knew when I got home I would want to shake them up like an etch a sketch, pretty much like what Ron G wanted to do to his girl. Then, I would have to clean up after my boys since my dad always let them run wild. And if my dad didn’t do anything else around my house, I bet he emptied all my ashtrays like Eddie Bryant’s momma did him.  That’s why I should have come in good with the winner, Mista McGriff, who is drug free. That’s right, his brother is a drug dealer so he gets his drugs free! Like Mack Bootsy, “I’m tryna told ya!”  Also, I need that cheerleader that Freddi Vernell mentioned, the one that would motivate me and say, “Hey Bitch, get up, it’s time to move your butt.”
 But I’m just gonna go home and be “That Bitch” like Rye. On the other hand, I wish I could be fucked out like Del, I don’t see that happenin’ anytime soon for me. The next time I get some, I'll be pulln’ tricks out my bag like the Funny Lady. The relationships in Oakland were different. I didn’t see too many black and white couples, like it is over this way. I did see Blacks and Asians. Rip Michaels you do have other choices. Then you don’t have to worry about being called a “Monkey Nigga.”
It was a joy watching our people celebrate and congratulate. The way to get black folk to chill is having the right DJ. Smooth Grooves of Old School played the nights I was in attendance. When I say Old School, I’m talkn’ some Prince, Apollonia 6, you know, the good stuff. I watched Clipper Man dance for a mile straight, sliddn’ in his shiny white shoes to some James Brown. Everyone mingled, exchanged info, posed for pictures and just had a good ole’ time. Comedians in the competition got along with one another and by the end everyone was embracing each other. There was hugging, clapping, encouraging- respectful camaraderie. The after party was cool too. Having the chance to laugh with Don “DC” Curry was an experience in itself. He’s a real clown! Matter of fact, make sure you check out “Tears of Clown,” a Tony Spires film starring DC and William L. Johnson.
Click here to check out pictures from the event. Be sure to keep up with SlapStik Magazine for your humor updates.

Timecha Swain
SlapStik Magazine